news, satire, horoscopes, & attitude
The preferred term for people without children is “child-free,” a lifestyle that conveniently avoids diapers, tantrums, late-night algebra crises, and tuition bills. It allows luxurious weekend sleep-ins, full conversations without background shrieking, and spontaneous intimacy without scheduling software. Here’s to Read More
The two toes on a camel’s foot serve more than a decorative function. They are able to spread widely, when the occasion demands, in order to distribute the animal’s weight over as large a surface area as possible. This capability Read More
Following the Tom Brady roast, one reviewer proclaimed that Brady is “our modern-day miracle worker in the war against political correctness.” Of course, the original host of all roasts was the legendary figure presiding over The Last Supper, where the Read More
TThomas the Tank Engine has been sued for workplace misconduct by Lady Jane Hatt, who claims Thomas kept rolling up far too close, revving his engine in a way no HR manual has ever approved. She further alleges he left Read More
Three local tinkerers were hospitalized after attempting to power a vape-sized “personal fog machine” with a small propane canister, a modification safety experts describe as “ambitious but ill-advised.” In the surrounding community, retrofitting modern gadgets to run on propane isn’t Read More
When his self became a fear he couldn’t outrun, he woke his wife, and they drove through the night to comfort him. In those dark hours, they passed closed churches and open cookie shops. Normally he would have said something clever Read More
His great joy had always been causing people to choke by saying something funny just as they were taking a sip of beverage. His wife guarded against this amusement, but one night he “got” her, and, indeed, she choked. Several Read More
“Yin is passive, introverted—frequently weak. Yang is outgoing and opinionated. She’s happy to stay at home with a book and her cat. He likes to party. Yin keeps their jaijitu (mighty circle) so cold that Yang, who is a real Read More
Liberals have a unique talent for feeling guilty even when nothing has actually happened. They dream of updating the national anthem to something more uplifting and routinely support every new cause that trends before breakfast. Their fashion sense, meanwhile, remains Read More
The Tao Te Ching, a venerated book of Chinese wisdom, has endured for more than 2,500 years despite the fact that nobody has really figured out what it means yet. The last person who spoke the dialect in which the Read More
