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The average American pick-up truck has gained 1,142 pounds since 1990. The average American, about the same. The average Phish tune, in concert, added nearly two minutes around its middle, and personal pizzas got 25 percent larger. Go big or go home: The 11th Commandment writ large.
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Apple and Google are locked in a hair-pulling, eye-gouging, nut-smacking contest to see who can get to market first with a significant upgrade for the Old White Man (OWM) app, which was originally patterned after Grindr, a popular app that helps gay men to locate other gay men who are close enough to shake a dick at—or at least within a fifteen-mile radius.
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WEST GOSHEN TWP., PA–We take no small measure of joy in knowing there are people in the world quietly going about undoing the work done by others in god’s name. The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) is one such group. We honor them by pausing to observe National Unbaptize the Dead Day.
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Celiac disease affects 1 percent of normal Americans. When people with this inherited autoimmune disorder of the small intestine eat bread, pasta, muffins, or other foods containing gluten, their immune systems open up giant-economy-size cans of whup-ass on their persons. It isn’t pretty. It could be fatal. That’s why people with celiac follow diets completely free of gluten, a protein found in most grains.
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There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who go to restaurants that offer amuse-bouche and those who do not. For the sake of the uninitiated, an amuse-bouche (UH-mooz-boosh) is a single, bite-sized hors d’œuvre sent to your table compliments of the chef.
(more…)“Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” –Hector Berlioz
We are constantly told by lawyers, estate planners, the AARP, and other mountebanks that dying without a will is a thoughtless act of passive-aggressiveness toward our “loved” ones.
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A critical shortfall of gravity brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past is the greatest existential threat facing this country. The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity. The air travel involved in the current presidential campaign will consume more gravity than the entire 18th century.
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