flash fiction, satire, horoscopes, & less
The Tao Te Ching, a much venerated book of Chinese wisdom, has endured for more than 2,500 years despite the fact nobody has really figured out what it means yet. The last person who spoke the Chinese dialect in which the Tao was written died in a single-cart accident during the Three Sovereigns Around the Moon dynasty (345-287 BCE). (more…)
As if to show their appreciation for the no-limit Starbucks gift cards given to them by Governor Hochul, migrants housed in NYC have begun to adorn public buildings with dazzling representations of latte art.
Not everyone is impressed, especially BLM members.
“Them refried niggas comin’ up here takin’ our buildings.”
“Trudeau to install tampon dispensers–in MEN’S bathrooms”
Justin Trudeau’s latest brainstorm: supply all bathrooms in federal public service departments, crown corporations, banks, airports, and train yards with menstrual products ‘regardless of their marked genders.’
These free products are taxpayer-funded.
Critics say thar men will bring them home to female partners.
She jabs her index finger at an app like she’s poking someone in the chest while she’s making a point in an argument.
He lays his finger on an app gently, diffidently, as though he’s sorry to have to be the one who wakes it.
Can this marriage be saved?
If you’re STD (sick to death) of people who splatter their “writing” with SFS (stupid fucking shorthand), you can thank Saint Cassian of Imola, the OPS (official patron saint) of shorthand. Cassian, who lived in the fourth century CE (common era), was a schoolmaster at Imola in north-central Italy. He also moonlighted as the Bishop of Brescia, ICYDK, which sure beat moonlighting at the local donkey wash.
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According to the Vatican Times, only 3% know there are nine Choirs of Angels. Just 1% can distinguish between Seraphim and Cherubim. Virtually no one knows that lower Choirs of Angels need the Thrones to access God.
“Scientology isn’t any weirder,” said one communicant at St. John the Beheaded Church.
A concussion leaves Guido unable to speak in the past tense. One day a sinister-looking man in a pizzeria hears him say, “I get the stromboli when I’m here last week.”
The man, a local mobster, thinks Guido is in witness protection. When Guido leaves the store, the man follows.
The attorney for Leonard Smith, caught fornicating with a stuffed animal in a parked white van, says that his client plans to sue Mattel, the maker of the poodle with whom Smith was apprehended.
“Mattel failed to put a warning label on the dog, which, Smith contends, ‘was very lifelike.'”
“Your face is like the blue screen of death.”
“Sorry. I’ve encountered a fatal exception in my heart. You.”
“We are an outdated operating system, incompatible with the future.”
“You are the malware that corrupts my operating system.”
“As of today your program is no longer eligible for tech support.”
Postmodern philosophy is the mycelium from which the toxic fungi of skepticism, sarcasm, deconstructionism, ironic politeness, and self-aware apologies emerge.
These are nourished by a distrust of grand narratives and a single-minded pursuit of power in human interactions.
Postmodernism has also been described as modernism with the cheerfulness taken out.