An Open Letter to Penny

No dew claws. Microchipped. Loves being combed, sleeping in bed, and kissing.

Obviously somebody’s pet before you became an SPCA’s “property.” Shipped to another shelter 950 miles north, spayed, and photographed for their website.

Welcome, Penny. We are the last strangers on whose kindness you will ever have to depend.

An Open Letter to Ben & Jerry


With Thanksgiving near, shouldn’t you be scolding us because this “holiday” commemorates a colonialist narrative and cultural erasure?

Or because the first mention of Thanksgiving, in 1637, celebrated the colonists brutal massacre of an entire Pequot village?

What about honoring indigenous Americans by replacing pumpkin pie with maize-and-scalp-flavored yogurt?

An Open Letter to Joe Biden

Big Guy,

Remember the mascot of the prep school we attended? The Great Auk, a large, extinct, flightless bird? Remind you of anyone you know?

The Great Auk became extinct when the last known specimen wandered into a bathroom and forgot what he went there for.

Happy birthday, Great Auk.