Author: philmaggitti
Math, Gravity, and Speed Limits Reek of White Supremacy
Brooklyn College Professor of Math Education Laurie Rubel proclaimed on Twitter that the mathematical equation 2+2=4 “reeks of white supremacist patriarchy. The idea that math (or data) is culturally neutral or in any way objective is a MYTH.”
(more…)child-free, adj
The preferred term for people who do not have children. Being child-free means never having to deal with stinking diapers, temper tantrums, smart-ass teenagers, or paying for college.
It means sleeping in on weekends, having uninterrupted conversations, and sex without making an appointment. Let’s spark a blunt to child-free living!
Joint Venture
My married visitor arrived with a bottle of vodka and the scratch-and-sniff issue of Hustler.
“Here, tell me if that’s what it smells like.”
“Will it wash off?”
We smoked a joint.
Next morning she said, “I shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Conscience bothering you?”
“No. Smoking a joint. I’m pregnant.”
Camel Toe, n
The two toes on a camel’s foot serve more than a decorative function. They are able to spread widely, when the occasion demands, in order to distribute the animal’s weight over as large a surface area as possible. This capability helps to prevent the camel from sinking into soft ground.
The Last Supper, the World’s First Roast
Following the Tom Brady roast, one reviewer proclaimed that Brady is “our ‘Jesus Christ’ in the war against political correctness.”
Jesus, you’ll recall, was the fly-as OG host and roast master at the world’s first roast, The Last Supper, where the tax collector, fishy hygiene, pedophile, and Is-Jesus-Gay jokes flew.
Is Thomas the Tank Engine a Sexual Predator
Thomas the Tank Engine has been sued for sexual harassment by Lady Jane Hatt and her granddaughter Bridgett, who charged that Thomas repeatedly thrust his engine at Lady Hatt suggestively—in addition to making lewd advances at young Bridgett. He also left a thin line of grease on a Coke can.
Propane-Driven Vape Pens Blamed for Three Deaths in Amish Country
Three Amish youth–Jacob, Lucas, and Martin Stolzfus–died when the vape pen they had rigged with propane so they could smoke marijuana concentrate exploded.
Retrofitting electric devices from washing machines to dildos so they run on propane is common in Amish communities, where the “pro” in iPad Pro stands for “propane.”
On Churches and Cookies
When his self became a fear he couldn’t outrun, he woke his wife, and they drove through the night to comfort him. In those dark hours, they passed closed churches and open cookie shops. Normally he would have said something clever about that fact, but now it only frightened him.
Snot Funny
His great joy had always been causing people to choke by saying something funny just as they were taking a sip of beverage. His wife guarded against this amusement, but one night he “got” her, and, indeed, she choked. Several days later, at her funeral, her brother waited, then.