Women & Children Last

Concept and editing by Phil Maggitti. First provided by Copilot.

As Cinderella twirls at the ball, the clock strikes midnight. She hurries away, leaving behind her glass slipper. When the prince finds it, he discovers it’s enchanted. He puts it on and is transformed into Cinderella. Suddenly the fairy godmother appears, Read More

A concussion leaves Guido unable to speak in the past tense. One day a sinister-looking man in a pizzeria hears him say, “I get the stromboli when I’m here last week.” The man, a local mobster, thinks Guido is in witness protection. Read More

Microsoft has responded to complaints from Windows 11 users who reported feeling sluggish after installing recommended system upgrades. Yesterday Microsoft released the first of six patches that will be distributed free to certified Windows 11 users by Microsoft-validated physicians who display the Read More

Buddy’s fondness for irony mutated into a full-blown paradoxical reaction to life. Dandruff shampoo turned him into a blizzard with feet. Cough medication made him sputter. His deodorant smelled like road-kill. When he sought medical advice, his doctor said, “I’d Read More

A Canadian couple was reportedly eaten by a bear recently despite “shooting” her with a full can of BearScat, “the world’s most effective bear repellent.” Stung by criticism from outraged Redditors, the company has introduced BearScatPro. Each giant-economy-sized can now Read More

I am a mess, and the universe is allegedly in charge. Fine. I will toss the ball back in its cosmic court and review the long list of ways I have stepped on my own toes. I clearly need a Read More

She arrived married, tipsy, and carrying a scratch-and-sniff adult magazine like contraband. We sampled its “aromas,” passed a tiny joint, and fell asleep on opposite ends of the couch. In the morning she groaned, “I shouldn’t have done that.” I Read More