BearScat Announces Pro Model Upgrade

A Canadian couple was reportedly eaten by a bear recently despite “shooting” her with a full can of BearScat, “the world’s most effective bear repellent.” Stung by criticism from outraged Redditors, the company has introduced BearScatPro. Each giant-economy-sized can now includes a coupon for 20% off “any additional non-lethal accessory you should have bought in the first place,” according to its totally serious marketing team.