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In the encyclical Deus Own Noctis (God Owns the Night), Pope Francis warned that Catholics “can not seek refuge in sleep” in order to enjoy illicit sexual activities. “God sees you when you’re sleeping,” declared the 86-year-old pope. “Any activity Read More
“That’s the difference between god and me,” Barney tried. She didn’t react. “Now if I were Roy Rogers, I’d sure enough be single.” Again, she didn’t laugh. He feared he had lost her. On his way to the bedroom, he Read More
Her $75,000,000 lawsuit hinges on a novel interpretation of the 14th Amendment, which, her lawyers claim, “confers protection” on pink-haired lesbians, 300-pound fatties, and all trannies. Victoria’s Secret “caved into the patriarchy,” Lizzo declared. “What? By featuring models that people Read More
It’s called Hackney Diamonds, and most critics are doing #3 in their pants, saying it’s the Stones best work in forty years. “This band has never sounded more alive,” crowed The Guardian.
A critical shortfall of gravity brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past is the greatest existential threat facing this country. The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly 60 percent Read More
Joran van der Sloot assured Natalee Holloway’s parents that their daughter, legally dead since 2012, is still, in fact, dead today. The assurance was part of a plea deal in which van der Sloot admitted to extorting $25,000 from Holloway’s Read More
Penultimate, as civilized people learn in school, means “the next to last.” Penultimate does not mean nor should it be allowed to mean “the most ultimate” or “the most awesome.” The misuse of penultimate leads to atrocities like this headline from Science Direct, “Female Read More
Dereck Lucas, 33, of near-by Fallowfield says he found the needle while “on a hay ride.” Lucas’ fiance, Myrna Stubblefield, was not thrilled with this discovery.
I can’t have been a prince. They’re all taken. Kings? Gone, too. Queens? I don’t see myself in a dress. Everyone talented, noble, heroic, charismatic, or enlightened has already been claimed. And why not? Being important in a previous life, is Read More