Friday, March 6, 2026
Flash

Natalee Holloway Is Still Dead, Says Her Killer

image of aruba poster

Joran van der Sloot assured Natalee Holloway’s parents that their daughter, legally dead since 2012, is still, in fact, dead today. The assurance was part of a plea deal in which van der Sloot admitted to extorting $25,000 from Holloway’s mother for information about her daughter that he never delivered.

⚠️ Satire lives here. If you came looking for facts, bring your own.
If you came looking for medical, spiritual, or legal advice, try prayer.