Lizzo Sues Victoria’s Secret

Her $75,000,000 lawsuit hinges on a novel interpretation of the 14th Amendment, which, her lawyers claim, “confers protection” on pink-haired lesbians, 300-pound fatties, and all trannies.

Victoria’s Secret “caved into the patriarchy,” Lizzo declared.

“What? By featuring models that people actually want to look at?” said a Victoria’s Secret spokesperson.