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The average American pick-up truck has gained 1,142 pounds since 1990. The average American, about the same. The average Phish tune, in concert, added nearly two minutes around its middle, and personal pizzas got 25 percent larger. Go big or go home: The 11th Commandment writ large.
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Her $75,000,000 lawsuit hinges on a novel interpretation of the 14th Amendment, which, her lawyers claim, “confers protection” on pink-haired lesbians, 300-pound fatties, and all trannies.
Victoria’s Secret “caved into the patriarchy,” Lizzo declared.
“What? By featuring models that people actually want to look at?” said a Victoria’s Secret spokesperson.