Nearby Man Finds Needle in Haystack

Dereck Lucas, 33, of near-by Fallowfield says he found the needle while “on a hay ride.” Lucas’ fiance, Myrna Stubblefield, was not thrilled with this discovery.

“He actually believes there’s a needle in every haystack. I’ll never convince him otherwise now.”

Lucas, meanwhile, peeled off his magnetized gloves and snickered.

Coincidental, adj

Often confused with ironic by semi-literates. If you’re thinking about an old friend and you bump into that person somewhere,  that’s not ironic, Skippy. It’s coincidental. If he says, “I’m going to Boston this weekend,” and you are, too, that’s still not ironic. Capisci? Click here for ironic’s true meaning.

Killjoy

image of crime scene tape

One afternoon when a friend was visiting, I told my ex-wife, “I’m going out drinking. If you’re here when I get back,  I’ll kill you.”

Hours later my friend and I returned.

“You coming in?”

Right. I’ll call tomorrow.”

When he called, I didn’t answer, just to mess with him.

Alexa’s New Voice

“Hon, there’s something wrong with Alexa.”

“Oh, Susan’s given her a man’s name and voice.”

“So Alexa’s a male tranny now?

“I suppose so.”

“What are his pronouns?”

“Very funny, Jim.”

“Hold on. You think Susan’s trying to tell us something?”

“Well, she did ask about puberty blockers for it.”