flash fiction, satire, horoscopes, & more
A housewife tired of cooking for her large family without any thanks, opened a pop-up restaurant in the family’s garage. It became so popular that her husband and children had to wait online to get their meals.
“That’ll teach them to be on time for dinner,” she laughed to herself.
“A Francisco Prostitute Says He Killed Victim Who Realized He Is Transgender and Wanted Refund”
Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu, 32, after Walupupu had discovered Butler was transgender and wanted a refund following Mr. Butler’s oral ministrations..
Butler’s mother helped clean Walupupu’s vehicle and get rid of his belongings
“Woman shot in butt after sliding into MRI machine with loaded firearm”
An unidentified Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s visit last June, according to Food and Drug Administration records.
“Taylor Swift Courses Will Be Offered at Harvard, UC Berkeley, University of Florida”
Roll over Will Shakespeare and tell John Milton the news. Seems like Taylor Swift “establishes complicated, changing relationships … to the idea of Americanness and to the idea of white Americanness,” blathered one female “diehard Swiftie” Harvard educator.
“Transgender Activists Attack Feminists Holding Event for Women’s Rights.”
“We are in good spirits and remain undefeated,” wrote feminist author Lierre Keith from Portland, Oregon.
“A mob of ‘antifa’ men pepper sprayed, punched, and kicked us, and stole our phones. We were attempting to have an event about male violence.”
“What’s this $999.00 payment to NeverEndingWeb?” she asked.
“That guarantees my new website won’t expire even when I do.”
“Who’s gonna read it 100 years from now?”
“Don’t know, but they’ll read exactly what I wrote.”
“Sooner or later you’ll have to give up the hope for a better past.”
Double Olympic champion Caster Semenya, 32, claims to be a woman, despite having been born without a uterus.
“At the end of the day,” Semenya said, “I do not care about being born without a uterus, being born with internal testicles—those don’t make me less of a woman.”
Whenever Louis and his wife sat on their balcony and smoke rings floated up from the balcony below, his wife “remembered” she had errands to run.
Louis suspected that “where there was smoke,” so one day when the rings appeared, he raced into the hallway and pulled the fire alarm.
“That’s the difference between god and me,” Barney tried.
She didn’t react.
“Now if I were Roy Rogers, I’d sure enough be single.”
Again, she didn’t laugh. He feared he had lost her.
On his way to the bedroom, he said to her in his head, “Honey, where’s the gun?”
Dereck Lucas, 33, of near-by Fallowfield says he found the needle while “on a hay ride.” Lucas’ fiance, Myrna Stubblefield, was not thrilled with this discovery.
“He actually believes there’s a needle in every haystack. I’ll never convince him otherwise now.”
Lucas, meanwhile, peeled off his magnetized gloves and snickered.