Pop Goes the Dinner

A housewife tired of cooking for her large family without any thanks, opened a pop-up restaurant in the family’s garage. It became so popular that her husband and children had to wait online to get their meals.

“That’ll teach them to be on time for dinner,” she laughed to herself.

You Can’t Satirize This Shit, #6

“A Francisco Prostitute Says He Killed Victim Who Realized He Is Transgender and Wanted Refund”

Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu, 32, after Walupupu had discovered Butler was transgender and wanted a refund following Mr. Butler’s oral ministrations..

Butler’s mother helped clean Walupupu’s vehicle and get rid of his belongings

Pretty Is As Pretty Does

Flush with anticipation, Vicky opened the door to greet her date, whom  a friend had set her up with.

There stood one pitiful, butt-ugly man.

Chiding herself for being disappointed and shallow, Vicky determined to make the most of the evening,  only to discover he had a personality to match.

Mind the Stairs

Patrons of Almost Wagyu Steaks and Chops in Chicago were startled by a tintinnabulation and shrieks one evening.

“Some damn fool took header on the stairs to the restrooms, again,” laughed one diner.

“They really ought to put a warning sign there,” his companion replied.

“How about ‘Stairway to Oops’?”

Table for Two

Rob meets Angela for lunch. Each is secretely planning to confess to recent infidelities. When Rob begins to speak, Angela interrupts him.

“Robbie, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”

“You’re pregnant,” he says nervously.

“No,” she laughs, beginning to lose her nerve. “What did you want to tell me.”

You Can’t Satirize This Shit, #4

“Taylor Swift Courses Will Be Offered at Harvard, UC Berkeley, University of Florida”

Roll over Will Shakespeare and tell John Milton the news. Seems like Taylor Swift “establishes complicated, changing relationships … to the idea of Americanness and to the idea of white Americanness,” blathered one female “diehard Swiftie” Harvard educator.

Who Is T.J. Eckleburg?

A godlike presence whose eyes stare in judgement on a sinful world.

A near-sighted sumbitch who doesn’t see eye-to-eye with anybody.

A minor character with a non-speaking role in The Great Gatsby.

A faded, weather-beaten occultist’s sign on a desolate road to nowhere.

Maybe some, maybe none, of the above.