You Could Be Talking to a Dog in a Chatroom If
Screen name Commander or Princess.
Wants to meet in PetSmart.
Measures height to shoulders.
Asks how old you are in dog years.
Thinks computer’s “pause” button is misspelled.
Asks if you’re fixed.
Avoids exchanging photos.
Re-roofed summer house for $100.
Can’t understand fuss about quintuplets.
Too interested in e-mailman’s schedule.
⚠️ Satire lives here. If you came looking for facts, bring your own.
If you came looking for medical, spiritual, or legal advice, try prayer.