You Could Be Talking to a Dog in a Chatroom If

Screen name Commander or Princess.

Wants to meet in PetSmart.

Measures height to shoulders.

Asks how old you are in dog years.

Thinks computer’s “pause” button is misspelled.

Asks if you’re fixed.

Avoids exchanging photos.

Re-roofed summer house for $100.

Can’t understand fuss about quintuplets.

Too interested in e-mailman’s schedule.