Horoscopes October 2023

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21): Your request to change your birth date legally so that it coincides with the Aztec calendar turns the worldwide judicial community on its briefs. Bill Gates likes the idea, however, and promptly releases Windows 8736 with a screen saver in which his face morphs into that of the Sun God.

Read More

Room with a View

woman scratching her head

Betty often went into a room and couldn’t remember why she had gone there. She had developed strategies for dealing with these situations, but nothing she tried today brought her purpose to mind, until she heard a loud, impatient voice. “Are you going to be in the bathroom all day?”

Joint Venture

My married visitor arrived with a bottle of vodka and the scratch-and-sniff issue of Hustler.

“Here, tell me if that’s what it smells like.”

“Will it wash off?”

We smoked a joint. 

Next morning she said, “I shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Conscience bothering you?”

“No. Smoking a joint. I’m pregnant.”

Shots Were Fired

Two shots, then a scream. A figure races out of an alley. No one pays any mind. Minutes later a wounded man stumbles from the alley and falls onto the sidewalk. He, too, is ignored, except by a sympathetic young girl who is yanked away and scolded by her mother.

Case Notes #97

yin-yang symbol

“Yin is passive, introverted—frequently weak. Yang is outgoing and opinionated. She’s happy to stay at home with a book and her cat. He likes to party.  Yin keeps their jaijitu (mighty circle) so cold that Yang, who is a real beach lover, constantly wears thick, heavy robes indoors.

“Prognostication poor.”

A.I. Invades the Confessional

“Bless me father for I have sinned.”

“And who hasn’t?”

“It’s been four months since my last confession.”

“Did you break a leg?”

“Uh, no father …”

“Is this going to take long?”

“Well …”

“Look, whatever you’ve done, I’ve heard it all. Your sins are forgiven. Now get lost.”

Birthday Boy

The only birthday cards that Edward received were from three creditors and his parole officer. “Why let other people’s preoccupations with their lives spoil the party?” he thought. He sent himself an anonymous e-mail, agreed to meet the sender for dinner, and wasn’t shy about sex on the first date.