The Ten List of Most Embarrassing Rod Stewart Songs

Once upon a time, Rod Stewart was a raspy-voiced singer who gave us Every Picture Tells a Story — a record so perfect it should be handed out at birth. Then, sometime in the mid-’70s, he traded his soul for a leopard-print jacket, a bottle of Malibu, and a Casio drum machine. What followed was a decades-long spree of crimes against music, humanity, and dignity. Here are The Ten Most Embarrassing Rod Stewart Songs.

1. “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” (1978)
   This most embarrassing Rod Stewart song turned him from rock god into polyester lounge lizard. This isn’t seduction; it’s sexual harassment set to a stolen cheesy disco beat. Somewhere, Donna Summer wept.
2. “Young Turks” (1981)
   An attempted anthem for runaway lovers that sounds like it was written by a Casio keyboard and a can of Tab. Also: they’re not “young hearts be free tonight.” It’s Young Turks, Rod. Commit to your own title.
3. “Tonight’s the Night” (1976)
   This creepy ballad is less “romantic” and more “call Chris Hansen.” Even in the 1970s, lyrics about seducing “a virgin child” should’ve triggered a wellness check.
4. “Love Touch” (1986)
   From the soundtrack of Legal Eagles, which is a worse endorsement than it sounds. This most embarrassing Rod Stewart song is so flaccid it could be used as a sleep aid. Rod sounds like he’s serenading a cat that just got spayed.
5. “Forever Young” (1988)
   Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young” is a prayer. Rod’s is a Hallmark graduation card set to a jingle. You can practically see the montage of stock footage — sunsets, babies, slow-motion hugs — as it plays.
6. “Infatuation” (1984)
   Rod yelling “Infatuation!” over and over while Jeff Beck commits guitar genocide in the background. It’s the sonic equivalent of being cornered at a bar by a guy in a Members Only jacket.
7. “Passion” (1980)
   A song where Rod helpfully explains that “passion is no ordinary word.” Thanks, professor. It goes on for nearly eight minutes — longer than most of Rod’s relationships..
8. “Baby Jane” (1983)
   Proof that the ‘80s were a cry for help. This synth-drenched atrocity makes Flashdance sound like Bach. Rod sounds like he’s singing through a fan, possibly to drown out his own shame..
9. “The Motown Covers Era” (Entire 2000s)
   Not a song, but a crime spree. Rod’s decision to churn out polite, soulless Motown covers was like watching your drunk uncle mansplain Black music at a barbecue. Somewhere, Smokey Robinson is still demanding reparations.
10. “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” (Live Versions, All Years)
    Yes, it’s already on the list, but live performances deserve their own category of damnation. Nothing says “rock legend” like a septuagenarian shimmying in leopard print while asking the world if they’re still DTF.

Final Judgment
Rod Stewart once told us “I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger.” Same, Rod. Same. Do yourself a favor: cleanse your ears with Every Picture Tells a Story and pretend everything after 1974 was a bad dream

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