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Apple and Google are locked in a hair-pulling, eye-gouging, nut-smacking contest to see who can get to market first with a significant upgrade for the Old White Man (OWM) app, which was originally patterned after Grindr, a popular app that helps gay men to locate other gay men who are close enough to shake a dick at—or at least within a fifteen-mile radius.
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The iPhone 15 carries a Fecal Finder™ app that detects fecal material as tiny as 1 part per 100,000,000.
Some people check their email and texts while on the crapper; and if their left hand doesn’t know what their right hand is doing, their phone soon smells like their ass.
These will include a cell phone blocker that can be set to activate whenever a cell phone rings within 50 feet; a prostate checker that sends a warning text whenever a prostate reading is elevated; a digital coupon good for 10% off at all McDonald’s; and a gray-panther pussy finder.