Top Ten Lists

For centuries the Church has trafficked in patron saints who represent self-denial, chastity, and other deeply unmarketable virtues. Yet ordinary mortals know that we need heavenly sponsorship for the messy stuff: overdrafts, karaoke, and sending “u up?” texts that end Read More

Waiting rooms are basically Ground Zero for humanity’s decline. You sit under those florescent lights, breathing recycled coughs, surrounded by people who look like they’ve lost bets with their immune systems.

There are more than 1,800 Dummies titles in print, with 250 million plus copies sold worldwide. That’s not a publishing success, it is a mass hallucination–and a hurdle to choosing .the Stupidest Dummies Books A quarter-billion people have willingly shelled Read More

Jury duty: the sacred civic rite where one’s fate is decided not by gods or algorithms, but by twelve strangers who once Googled “how to look impartial.” But what if your soul simply isn’t calibrated for courtroom gravity? What if Read More

Travis Kelce is not especially interesting or good looking. He is a phenomenon of excess, a man so thoroughly media-saturated that his mere existence feels like a sponsored interruption. He is an algorithm’s idea of “charisma”: loud, somewhat affable in Read More

1. You Treat Money Like a Guest StarIt breezes through your life like a cameo appearance on Friends. Fun while it’s here, gone before you remember its name.

10. Black Sabbath — Black Sabbath (1970)Best Track to Melt Into: “N.I.B.”The first album ever to say, “What if we tuned our guitars to the sound of a coffin lid closing?” This is patient zero for all stoner music. Ozzy Read More

America has more podcasts than citizens, which means someone, somewhere, is hosting two of them just to cover for the slackers. In a nation where everyone from your dentist to your Uber driver has a “raw, honest conversation” uploaded weekly, Read More

Once upon a time, Rod Stewart was a raspy-voiced singer who gave us Every Picture Tells a Story — a record so perfect it should be handed out at birth. Then, sometime in the mid-’70s, he traded his soul for Read More

Attention, Walmart shoppers. Walmart, aka the Flying W, is where America goes to prove that Darwin was an optimist. It’s not just a store — it’s a proving ground for the misshapen psyche. Every aisle is a catwalk of dysfunction, Read More