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Too many missing teeth.
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during the filming of these videos.
Accepts Visa, MasterCard, and food stamps.
The men all have names like Freddy Firehose or Dr. Cyclops.
One-hour memberships available.
Passwords limited to three characters, one of which must be different from the other two.
♥Captains exchange air kisses with opponents’ captains.
♥Team enters the field on a runway.
♥Assless chaps.
♥Marabou-trimmed hand warmers.
♥Players first names on backs of jerseys.
♥Helmet decals replaced by Hello Kitty icons.
♥Accessorizing book is thicker than playbook.
♥School band plays club music.
♥Pink cleats on shoes.
♥Swarovski-encrusted gloves.
Only 10% of Americans (down from 12% last year) answered one of the following correctly.
Boxing Day falls on . . . December 24, December 26, the winter solstice.
Boxing Day began in . . . England, China, Spain.
What saint’s feast falls on Boxing Day? Nicholas, Elsewhere, Stephen.
BLM’s D’Aryll Scott-Jones has called for a boycott of all websites “that allow white supremacists to hide behind blank avatars that “allow crackers to spew their venom while hiding in plain sight. They also allow racists to signal other racists. All they are missing is a white sheet and hood.”
After being sued by thousands of women who allege that its hair-straightening products caused them irreparable harm and serious injury, including sterility, Revlon has offered its accusers an olive branch.
“By next fiscal year,” said Revlon, “our hair straighteners will carry warning labels advising against their use on pubic hair.”
Tim Berners-Lee, father of the world wide web, admitted that he misspelled “world wide” as one word when he created the web.
“If I could ‘fix’ anything about the web, the spelling of “worldwide” would be it. Sadly I wrote the web code when spelling checkers weren’t so very accurate.”
When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon” three times rapidly.
Jesus failed, changing the tongue twister’s meaning from “Enough for me, tyrant, nothing more dishonorable” to “Piss off, you camel-humping, maggot-ridden tyrant.”
After receiving millions of letters that were obviously not written by youngsters (who generally don’t use terms like “plausible deniability”) Santa Claus declared he won’t read AI-generated correspondence.
Remember: He sees you when you paste an AI-generated stamp on your letter or when it begins “To whom it may concern.”
Although straws account for 0.025% of all plastic flowing into oceans, they are the virtue signal du jour for restaurateurs who replace them with paper models.
Fight back. Take plastic straws to restaurants, replace those paper models, then stick the latter to the underside of the table with chewing gum.
“Kelce” is among the top-trending dog names in the country—up 135% in a year—according to Rover, a Seattle-based matchmaker that connects pet owners with pet sitters and dog walkers.
In addition people hung that name on other items: penises, vaginas, farts, gerbils, drinks, cats, streets. new stars, assholes, oral sex.