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“Naked Man Found Atop Headless Mom in Jersey Shore Apartment.” Jeffrey D. Surgent, 46, had first called 911 to report his crime before assuming the position. As he was being taken into custody, he screamed that he was sorry for what he had done. He also sang “Jesus Loves Me.”
After being sued by thousands of women who allege that its hair-straightening products caused them irreparable harm and serious injury, including sterility, Revlon has offered its accusers an olive branch.
“By next fiscal year,” said Revlon, “our hair straighteners will carry warning labels advising against their use on pubic hair.”
A housewife tired of cooking for her large family without any thanks, opened a pop-up restaurant in the family’s garage. It became so popular that her husband and children had to wait online to get their meals.
“That’ll teach them to be on time for dinner,” she laughed to herself.
Tim Berners-Lee, father of the world wide web, admitted that he misspelled “world wide” as one word when he created the web.
“If I could ‘fix’ anything about the web, the spelling of “worldwide” would be it. Sadly I wrote the web code when spelling checkers weren’t so very accurate.”
“A Francisco Prostitute Says He Killed Victim Who Realized He Is Transgender and Wanted Refund”
Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu, 32, after Walupupu had discovered Butler was transgender and wanted a refund following Mr. Butler’s oral ministrations..
Butler’s mother helped clean Walupupu’s vehicle and get rid of his belongings
“Woman shot in butt after sliding into MRI machine with loaded firearm”
An unidentified Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s visit last June, according to Food and Drug Administration records.
When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon” three times rapidly.
Jesus failed, changing the tongue twister’s meaning from “Enough for me, tyrant, nothing more dishonorable” to “Piss off, you camel-humping, maggot-ridden tyrant.”
“Taylor Swift Courses Will Be Offered at Harvard, UC Berkeley, University of Florida”
Roll over Will Shakespeare and tell John Milton the news. Seems like Taylor Swift “establishes complicated, changing relationships … to the idea of Americanness and to the idea of white Americanness,” blathered one female “diehard Swiftie” Harvard educator.
After receiving millions of letters that were obviously not written by youngsters (who generally don’t use terms like “plausible deniability”) Santa Claus declared he won’t read AI-generated correspondence.
Remember: He sees you when you paste an AI-generated stamp on your letter or when it begins “To whom it may concern.”
Although straws account for 0.025% of all plastic flowing into oceans, they are the virtue signal du jour for restaurateurs who replace them with paper models.
Fight back. Take plastic straws to restaurants, replace those paper models, then stick the latter to the underside of the table with chewing gum.