news, satire, horoscopes, & attitude
“A Francisco Prostitute Says He Killed Victim Who Realized He Is Transgender and Wanted Refund” Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu, 32, after Walupupu had discovered Butler was transgender and wanted a refund following Mr. Butler’s oral ministrations.. Butler’s mother Read More
“Woman shot in butt after sliding into MRI machine with loaded firearm” An unidentified Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s Read More
When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon” three times rapidly. Jesus failed, changing the tongue twister’s meaning from “Enough for me, tyrant, Read More
“Taylor Swift Courses Will Be Offered at Harvard, UC Berkeley, University of Florida” Roll over Will Shakespeare and tell John Milton the news. Seems like Taylor Swift “establishes complicated, changing relationships … to the idea of Americanness and to the Read More
After receiving millions of letters that were obviously not written by youngsters (who generally don’t use terms like “plausible deniability”) Santa Claus declared he won’t read AI-generated correspondence. Remember: He sees you when you paste an AI-generated stamp on your Read More
Although straws account for 0.025% of all plastic flowing into oceans, they are the virtue signal du jour for restaurateurs who replace them with paper models. Fight back. Take plastic straws to restaurants, replace those paper models, then stick the Read More
“Transgender Activists Attack Feminists Holding Event for Women’s Rights.” “We are in good spirits and remain undefeated,” wrote feminist author Lierre Keith from Portland, Oregon. “A mob of ‘antifa’ men pepper sprayed, punched, and kicked us, and stole our phones. We Read More
“What’s this $999.00 payment to NeverEndingWeb?” she asked. “That guarantees my new website won’t expire even when I do.” “Who’s gonna read it 100 years from now?” “Don’t know, but they’ll read exactly what I wrote.” “Sooner or later you’ll Read More
“Kelce” is among the top-trending dog names in the country—up 135% in a year—according to Rover, a Seattle-based matchmaker that connects pet owners with pet sitters and dog walkers. In addition people hung that name on other items: penises, vaginas, Read More