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Garangadon, a evil-haired creature. Preys on immigrant children.
Swiftalator, usually male, haunts social media posing as a fourteen-year-old Swifty looking to hook up.
Mothman, glowing red eyes and enormous, greasy wings. Invades houses that have bug zappers.
Oakland Triangle, white people have disappeared there since the death of George Floyd.
Too many missing teeth.
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during the filming of these videos.
Accepts Visa, MasterCard, and food stamps.
The men all have names like Freddy Firehose or Dr. Cyclops.
One-hour memberships available.
Passwords limited to three characters, one of which must be different from the other two.
A small community in Iowa was outraged when two of its prominent members were “outed” in a revenge porn video. Their faces were blurry and only their first initials had been printed, still their neighbors retaliated by posting copycat videos of themselves and their dogs engaging in the same act.
“People are ‘resetting’ their virginity on New Year’s Day”
In perhaps the most surprising trend of the New Year, social media users claim that when the clock struck midnight, they became virgins again.
“All of our body counts have reset to zero,” rapper Lil Nas X tweeted on New Year’s.
According to a University of Chicago study–based on observations of 1,327 shadows in 37 states–shadows lead flat, unfulfilling lives. They do not exhibit characteristics of a satisfactory, meaningful existence. Those characteristics include a dynamic, positive self-image, a willingness to initiate social interactions, and the ability to change direction if necessary.
♥Captains exchange air kisses with opponents’ captains.
♥Team enters the field on a runway.
♥Assless chaps.
♥Marabou-trimmed hand warmers.
♥Players first names on backs of jerseys.
♥Helmet decals replaced by Hello Kitty icons.
♥Accessorizing book is thicker than playbook.
♥School band plays club music.
♥Pink cleats on shoes.
♥Swarovski-encrusted gloves.
Only 10% of Americans (down from 12% last year) answered one of the following correctly.
Boxing Day falls on . . . December 24, December 26, the winter solstice.
Boxing Day began in . . . England, China, Spain.
What saint’s feast falls on Boxing Day? Nicholas, Elsewhere, Stephen.
“Florida woman threatens to kill ex-boyfriend, new girlfriend if they didn’t have Christmas threesome with her”
Cynthia Ann Ray, 38, was arrested and charged with one count of aggravated stalking and other offenses. When deputies found Ray, she was inside a tent she had put up on her mother’s property.
BLM’s D’Aryll Scott-Jones has called for a boycott of all websites “that allow white supremacists to hide behind blank avatars that “allow crackers to spew their venom while hiding in plain sight. They also allow racists to signal other racists. All they are missing is a white sheet and hood.”
Given this declaration, our AI program coughed up the accompanying photo (?) and the following text.
“They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, but 50 is sufficient to capture a moment. In a world filled with constant noise, a simple picture–a smile, a tear, a sunset– can speak nboserjbsmblers.”