Wednesday, December 10, 2025
Flash

Study Finds that Shadows Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation

According to a University of Chicago study–based on observations of 1,327 shadows in 37 states–shadows lead flat, unfulfilling lives. They do not exhibit characteristics of a satisfactory, meaningful existence. Those characteristics include a dynamic, positive self-image, a willingness to initiate social interactions, and the ability to change direction if necessary.

⚠️ Satire lives here. If you came looking for facts, bring your own.
If you came looking for medical, spiritual, or legal advice, try prayer.