Top Ten List of Worst Ringo Songs Ever

Ringo. The chump who once drummed behind Lennon/McCartney and then spent the next fifty years proving that lightning not only doesn’t strike twice—it filed a restraining order against him.

1. “No No Song” (1974) Imagine a novelty tune written by a stoner uncle who just discovered rhyming dictionaries. A song about saying no to drugs, booze, and women—performed by a man who never said no to anything in the ’70s. Irony so thick you could spread it on toast. “The only anti-drug song that makes you want to start using immediately.” — High Times

2. “You’re Sixteen” (1973) Yes, a thirty-three-year-old Ringo covering a song about dating a sixteen-year-old, with Paul McCartney making mouth-trumpet noises that sound more like fart noises in the background. Today it plays less like a love song and more like Exhibit A in a congressional hearing. “Half pop song, half evidence exhibit.” — New York Times

3. “Drumming Is My Madness” (1983) A title that promises unhinged percussion ecstasy but delivers the sonic equivalent of a kid banging on Tupperware lids while humming to himself. Even Phil Collins shook his head at this one. “Phil Collins called; he wants his rejects back.” — Billboard

4. “Wrack My Brain” (1981) Penned by George Harrison as a favor, this half-hearted, half-baked throwaway sounds like George cleaned out his sock drawer, found some unused rhymes, and said, “Here, Ringo, knock yourself out.” The listener, sadly, already has. “A song that proves even genius can mail it in.” — Trouser Press

5. “In My Car” (1983) If you thought The Beach Boys had already wrung every last drop out of automobile songs, Ringo proves you right by creating this jalopy of a tune. The hook is flatter than a bald tire, and the lyrics make “Fun, Fun, Fun” sound like Shakespeare. “Makes ‘Little Deuce Coupe’ sound like Wagner’s Ring Cycle.” — Guardian

6. “Cooking (In the Kitchen of Love)” (1976) No kidding, John Lennon actually wrote this for him. Yes, it’s every bit as awful as you fear. Ringo doesn’t sing so much as recite recipes over an off-kilter piano track. Julia Child had better grooves. “Finally, a rock song you can overcook pasta to.” — Rolling Stone

7. “Weight of the World” (1992) Supposedly Ringo’s “comeback” single, if by comeback you mean middle-aged karaoke with studio sheen. Imagine an inspirational Hallmark card read aloud over recycled Bryan Adams chords. “It sounds like the B-side to a self-help cassette called Manifest Your Mediocrity.” — Ghost of Lester Bangs

8. “Snookeroo” (1974) Written by Elton John and Bernie Taupin—proving even people with talent have rent to pay. Ringo sings it with all the swagger of a tipsy best man speech that never should have left the bar. “Proof that even Elton and Bernie can write a dud.” — NME

9. “La De Da” (1998) This was meant as a jubilant sing-along. Instead it plays like a children’s TV theme that got rejected for being too irritating. Think Barney the Dinosaur meets methadone clinic. “The kind of chorus that makes you want to commit arson at a daycare.” — Pitchfork

10. “Liverpool 8” (2008) His attempt at autobiography in song form. The chorus literally repeats his childhood address. It’s less “Penny Lane” and more like a bored Uber driver reciting directions. A track so bad it set back tourism in Liverpool by at least a decade. “It’s like ‘Penny Lane’ rewritten by a substitute geography teacher with a sinus infection.” — Mojo

Closing Argument Ringo’s solo career is living proof that being in the greatest band of all time doesn’t mean you should ever be allowed near a microphone afterward. He was the Beatle who kept time; left to his own devices, he’s the Beatle who is wasting yours.

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