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“We’re encouraging customers to put their money where their mouths are, “said a Walmart executive in a muffled voice. “We’re betting CBD will succeed where mocha latte, pumpkin spice, and smoked salmon flavors failed to float Gen Z boats, as did a Megan Rapinoe model shaped like a soccer ball.”
WCL: Megan Rapinoe, USWNT soccer player, said that her getting injured early in the final match of her career is “proof” that God doesn’t exist.
GOD: Au contraire. That pink-haired freak suffers from anal-cranial inversion. Whom does she think caused her to choke that penalty kick in the World Cup?
Her $75,000,000 lawsuit hinges on a novel interpretation of the 14th Amendment, which, her lawyers claim, “confers protection” on pink-haired lesbians, 300-pound fatties, and all trannies.
Victoria’s Secret “caved into the patriarchy,” Lizzo declared.
“What? By featuring models that people actually want to look at?” said a Victoria’s Secret spokesperson.