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Following the Tom Brady roast, one reviewer proclaimed that Brady is “our ‘Jesus Christ’ in the war against political correctness.”
Jesus, you’ll recall, was the fly-as OG host and roast master at the world’s first roast, The Last Supper, where the tax collector, fishy hygiene, pedophile, and Is-Jesus-Gay jokes flew.
“I’m tired of saying yes to every stinking loser with his putz in a wringer. So don’t write a check with your behavior that you can’t cash with your prayers,” Christ warned, speaking to reporters through a burning bush outside the Holy Tabernacle of the Flaming Tongues in Opp, Alabama.
“Naked Man Found Atop Headless Mom in Jersey Shore Apartment.” Jeffrey D. Surgent, 46, had first called 911 to report his crime before assuming the position. As he was being taken into custody, he screamed that he was sorry for what he had done. He also sang “Jesus Loves Me.”
When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon” three times rapidly.
Jesus failed, changing the tongue twister’s meaning from “Enough for me, tyrant, nothing more dishonorable” to “Piss off, you camel-humping, maggot-ridden tyrant.”
Quis scit? Foreskin relics appeared in numerous churches during the Middle Ages, sometimes simultaneously.
The Vatican eventually forbade anyone from discussing circumcision and removed its feast day from the church calendar. Nonetheless, a foreskin relic was stolen in Italy in 1984. Another was deemed fraudulent on Cash in the Attic.