news, satire, horoscopes, & attitude
Given this declaration, our AI program coughed up the accompanying photo (?) and the following text. “They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, but 50 is sufficient to capture a moment. In a world filled with constant noise, a Read More
“Naked Man Found Atop Headless Mom in Jersey Shore Apartment.” Jeffrey D. Surgent, 46, had first called 911 to report his crime before assuming the position. As he was being taken into custody, he screamed that he was sorry for Read More
After being sued by thousands of women who allege that its hair-straightening products caused them irreparable harm and serious injury, including sterility, Revlon has offered its accusers an olive branch. “By next fiscal year,” said Revlon, “our hair straighteners will Read More
WEST GOSHEN TWP., PA–We take no small measure of joy in knowing there are people in the world quietly going about undoing the work done by others in god’s name. The Universal Brotherhood of the Confrontational Atheist (UBCA) is one Read More
A housewife tired of cooking for her large family without any thanks, opened a pop-up restaurant in the family’s garage. It became so popular that her husband and children had to wait online to get their meals. “That’ll teach them Read More
Tim Berners-Lee, father of the world wide web, admitted that he misspelled “world wide” as one word when he created the web. “If I could ‘fix’ anything about the web, the spelling of “worldwide” would be it. Sadly I wrote Read More
“A Francisco Prostitute Says He Killed Victim Who Realized He Is Transgender and Wanted Refund” Leion Butler, 20, killed Hamza Walupupu, 32, after Walupupu had discovered Butler was transgender and wanted a refund following Mr. Butler’s oral ministrations.. Butler’s mother Read More
“Woman shot in butt after sliding into MRI machine with loaded firearm” An unidentified Wisconsin woman was left with an extra pair of holes in her butt after she took a loaded firearm into an MRI machine during a doctor’s Read More
Celiac disease affects 1 percent of normal Americans. When people with this inherited autoimmune disorder of the small intestine eat bread, pasta, muffins, or other foods containing gluten, their immune systems open up giant-economy-size cans of whup-ass on their persons. Read More
When Jesus was brought before Pilate for trial, the latter offered to free Jesus if he could say “Arkei moi tyrannē, mēden eti mallon atimon” three times rapidly. Jesus failed, changing the tongue twister’s meaning from “Enough for me, tyrant, Read More